Sunday, May 22, 2005
post trip thoughts..
hey people... i'm back from mission trip. Yup. Tt's right.. Guess its time to blog again.. tho is like 3.30am rite now.. but I just ended my fone call with Dan. Oh wells... is like.. I just realised many things lah.. you know before, during and rite after the trip.. I was really like having no time at all to think about stuff.. I guess i'm the most clear headed at this hour... haa.. so let's explore together stuff tt i've learnt.. n re-learnt.. n would like to share.. tho it may make me vulnerable. yups.
In this trip I've learnt about Humility, Pride, Patience, Leadership n God's Reasons. God has really his reasons for things to happen. I hope the team would agree with me. Well.. for those of you that knows me beri well.. like wendy.. *winks* would agree that I have this sense of pride in me. Growing up in a family when it calls me to be the BIG sister... really made me feel that I have to be strong at all times. Not to show your weak side.. because it would make your siblings feel lost too!
When Tabi n Joshua mentions that I tend to be strong when I'm not.. I felt hurt inside of me. Well.. cause I guess they din't noe how to tell me in a way that i would accept well. Wells.. the old saying goes.. "Truth hurts." and probrably tt's why bah.
I've learnt many things isn't just about myself.. like ME..ME..ME.. But rather Team team team. hahaa.. oh wells.. i guess some of my team-mates oso learnt the same lesson. Satan implants my thoughts into my head. It takes humility for me to admit them. Some of them are like real selfish thots. Like, "Why don't I have any Friends?" , "Why things isn't favourable for me.." , "Why this person don't spend time with me anymore?", basically is like why dis.. n why that like.... lah! haaha.. so paisae lo... all the questions are centered around me... they never leave like to think for others like... " people needs their other friends... people needs to be favoured too.. people needs to be encouraged... and my Favourite verse didn't occur to me at all.. which is " do unto others what you want others to do unto you"
Wells.. so many a times.. due to all these Lies I get from myself n Satan... I had to caused to group to worry about me.. even tho I told them that I just needed time to settle my thots with myself.. coz like all this internal struggles are too embarrassing to say.... But I guess like wad Wendy told me before the trip was so important. "God made people and human relationships with each other... to provide for His physical presences and to satisfy our physical needs!"
Guess all my knowledge were at the back of my head... SOUNDING LOUDLY... but I just couldn't hear it...
During the trip... I just couldn't work well with so many people... I knew it was so so so unlike me... I meant like.. I never had difficulties working with people through God's blessings. But this time round, God tested me over n over again.. guess I failed it terribly.. Even godly man (like King David) was tested n he failed God. Guess its not at all surprising for me a simple person to fail.
The test of patience was not just on me alone.. guess many of my own team mates were involved bah. Basically I had zero patience for the people around me.. I shut down my system all in all.. and I was even too tired to tok with God. That didn't improved the already messed situation any better la.. but the Good thing was.. I've learnt that there were so many things that can easily throw me off.. yet God still chose me. I really was so ashamed. But at the same time thankful and blessed to be able to be part of the team.
Being a good leader is definitely one of the hardest job that was given to me bah. Bascially there are so many things which a leader shld do.. can't do and must do. They are...
Not to lose nor throw temper at the Team
To be patience with the Team
Affirm and Carefront the Team
To be rational n level-headed..
etc... etc... etc..
I guess I... didn't accomplished much as a Leader... haaa.. is there a most horrible leader award available?? haha..
But I was reminded again that.. on the journey road as a servant leader.. lonely times are ahead of us.. there would times of heartbrokeness.. and times of pruning.. and times of Joy.. and great memories n lessons learnt.
Guess as I get time to reflect and think about myself and the team.. I would like to say Sorry to my team. Esp. if I've caused the trip to be unhappy and tough.. I guess all of us will have to pass through some learning process.. But i hope to tell you guys tt you've been the best! really..
Esther has been patience and sweet all this while. Even when I was rude... or proud or just being unreasonable.. Thanks so much for being so nice and kind. I've really received so much mercy n grace from you. Thank so much. I really do mean it.
Joshua has been a nice working partner.. co-leading the team with you was eventful and unexpecting.. but yup.. its not just the trip but the pre-trip too. I really appreciate you as a Team Leader. Thank God that You're the TL.. and you are the best person for the job. God is never wrong. Thanks so much. Thank God for times whereby we can share things out too. Do Keep up the good Job. Jia You!
Tabitha, thanks for being such a wonderful friend to me. I love the times that we shared together.. be it in the dg.. pre-trip.. matri.. the trip itself.. Thanks for thinking for me. Thanks for understanding me. Thanks for crying with me.. Thanks for the million things you've done for me.. I duno how can words express this well.. maybe huggies can express better! -huggies- I love you!
Jessica, I really enjoy chatting with you at the food court. I thank God for you. The sharing you shared. The humility to change and forgiveness towards us... The change in you was really remarkable. Thanks for your concern for me. Even the simplest things you do like asking how am I.. makes me feel warmed knowing that you've cared. I really appreciate you! Thank you. =)
Michelle! hee.. You've been so warm to all of us. The kids simply love you. And I know that we all love you too. Your jokes.. your fun.. makes up - You! Really appreciate the times we shared together.. sleeping as your next door neighbour. Putting up with my nonsense n my temper.. Love the time when we pray together for each other. Really love you just the way you are.
Carol.. You've been very accomodating towards all of us. Being the soft-spoken you.. and yet can tok quite abit! haa.. thanks for holding out with us n the children.. I think that its all worth it at the end rite? Thanks for accompanying me on the bus when i needed someone. Some things may seem minor but it meant alot! thanks so much. Thanks for your initiative and great work as our treasurer and prayer i/c. Really appreciate you~
Andrew.. thanks for your long letter... to return ur favour I shall write you a longest wan! haa.. Oh wells.. i'm sorry that i've not been that nice to you when I tell you about work. Maybe times we may have different views. Sometimes its tough to say whose right and whose not. But i really appreciate that you went to get the tape. thanks for always being the one who breaks the ice with the kids. Thanks for your constant enthusiam towards the Kids. I'm sure they can tell that you've really been a great Teacher! Many times due to my impatience, I've been rather snappy.. I hope you dun take it to heart. I'm really sorry. I guess I really owe you a big Sorry ya. Hopefully you've learnt and grow thru the trip too. Not just about the kids but also about yourself.. your working styles.. and God's will for you! If ur really interested about children.. do pray and seek God for His will to be done ya? Last but not least.. I really appreciate your love for the children and the team. Thanks alot.
Wenling.. ever thot of finding out about your gifts? I personally feel that you have a gift of mercy. You are so sweet and emotional about the ups and downs of the team. You feel alot about people, don't you? Thanks for your caring acts and though you maybe blur at times but you are definitely a responsible girl. thanks for the barnabas board.. thanks for the first aid stuff. I really appreciate you lots. Continue to walk closely with Him. You've been a great encouragement to all of us!
Yup. time to sleep le lah.. its 5am now... haa.. Good nite people.. or rather Good morning. Its been a great way of unloading my cares. Yup.. Thanks you peeps for lasting to the end and reading my blog too!!
In this trip I've learnt about Humility, Pride, Patience, Leadership n God's Reasons. God has really his reasons for things to happen. I hope the team would agree with me. Well.. for those of you that knows me beri well.. like wendy.. *winks* would agree that I have this sense of pride in me. Growing up in a family when it calls me to be the BIG sister... really made me feel that I have to be strong at all times. Not to show your weak side.. because it would make your siblings feel lost too!
When Tabi n Joshua mentions that I tend to be strong when I'm not.. I felt hurt inside of me. Well.. cause I guess they din't noe how to tell me in a way that i would accept well. Wells.. the old saying goes.. "Truth hurts." and probrably tt's why bah.
I've learnt many things isn't just about myself.. like ME..ME..ME.. But rather Team team team. hahaa.. oh wells.. i guess some of my team-mates oso learnt the same lesson. Satan implants my thoughts into my head. It takes humility for me to admit them. Some of them are like real selfish thots. Like, "Why don't I have any Friends?" , "Why things isn't favourable for me.." , "Why this person don't spend time with me anymore?", basically is like why dis.. n why that like.... lah! haaha.. so paisae lo... all the questions are centered around me... they never leave like to think for others like... " people needs their other friends... people needs to be favoured too.. people needs to be encouraged... and my Favourite verse didn't occur to me at all.. which is " do unto others what you want others to do unto you"
Wells.. so many a times.. due to all these Lies I get from myself n Satan... I had to caused to group to worry about me.. even tho I told them that I just needed time to settle my thots with myself.. coz like all this internal struggles are too embarrassing to say.... But I guess like wad Wendy told me before the trip was so important. "God made people and human relationships with each other... to provide for His physical presences and to satisfy our physical needs!"
Guess all my knowledge were at the back of my head... SOUNDING LOUDLY... but I just couldn't hear it...
During the trip... I just couldn't work well with so many people... I knew it was so so so unlike me... I meant like.. I never had difficulties working with people through God's blessings. But this time round, God tested me over n over again.. guess I failed it terribly.. Even godly man (like King David) was tested n he failed God. Guess its not at all surprising for me a simple person to fail.
The test of patience was not just on me alone.. guess many of my own team mates were involved bah. Basically I had zero patience for the people around me.. I shut down my system all in all.. and I was even too tired to tok with God. That didn't improved the already messed situation any better la.. but the Good thing was.. I've learnt that there were so many things that can easily throw me off.. yet God still chose me. I really was so ashamed. But at the same time thankful and blessed to be able to be part of the team.
Being a good leader is definitely one of the hardest job that was given to me bah. Bascially there are so many things which a leader shld do.. can't do and must do. They are...
Not to lose nor throw temper at the Team
To be patience with the Team
Affirm and Carefront the Team
To be rational n level-headed..
etc... etc... etc..
I guess I... didn't accomplished much as a Leader... haaa.. is there a most horrible leader award available?? haha..
But I was reminded again that.. on the journey road as a servant leader.. lonely times are ahead of us.. there would times of heartbrokeness.. and times of pruning.. and times of Joy.. and great memories n lessons learnt.
Guess as I get time to reflect and think about myself and the team.. I would like to say Sorry to my team. Esp. if I've caused the trip to be unhappy and tough.. I guess all of us will have to pass through some learning process.. But i hope to tell you guys tt you've been the best! really..
Esther has been patience and sweet all this while. Even when I was rude... or proud or just being unreasonable.. Thanks so much for being so nice and kind. I've really received so much mercy n grace from you. Thank so much. I really do mean it.
Joshua has been a nice working partner.. co-leading the team with you was eventful and unexpecting.. but yup.. its not just the trip but the pre-trip too. I really appreciate you as a Team Leader. Thank God that You're the TL.. and you are the best person for the job. God is never wrong. Thanks so much. Thank God for times whereby we can share things out too. Do Keep up the good Job. Jia You!
Tabitha, thanks for being such a wonderful friend to me. I love the times that we shared together.. be it in the dg.. pre-trip.. matri.. the trip itself.. Thanks for thinking for me. Thanks for understanding me. Thanks for crying with me.. Thanks for the million things you've done for me.. I duno how can words express this well.. maybe huggies can express better! -huggies- I love you!
Jessica, I really enjoy chatting with you at the food court. I thank God for you. The sharing you shared. The humility to change and forgiveness towards us... The change in you was really remarkable. Thanks for your concern for me. Even the simplest things you do like asking how am I.. makes me feel warmed knowing that you've cared. I really appreciate you! Thank you. =)
Michelle! hee.. You've been so warm to all of us. The kids simply love you. And I know that we all love you too. Your jokes.. your fun.. makes up - You! Really appreciate the times we shared together.. sleeping as your next door neighbour. Putting up with my nonsense n my temper.. Love the time when we pray together for each other. Really love you just the way you are.
Carol.. You've been very accomodating towards all of us. Being the soft-spoken you.. and yet can tok quite abit! haa.. thanks for holding out with us n the children.. I think that its all worth it at the end rite? Thanks for accompanying me on the bus when i needed someone. Some things may seem minor but it meant alot! thanks so much. Thanks for your initiative and great work as our treasurer and prayer i/c. Really appreciate you~
Andrew.. thanks for your long letter... to return ur favour I shall write you a longest wan! haa.. Oh wells.. i'm sorry that i've not been that nice to you when I tell you about work. Maybe times we may have different views. Sometimes its tough to say whose right and whose not. But i really appreciate that you went to get the tape. thanks for always being the one who breaks the ice with the kids. Thanks for your constant enthusiam towards the Kids. I'm sure they can tell that you've really been a great Teacher! Many times due to my impatience, I've been rather snappy.. I hope you dun take it to heart. I'm really sorry. I guess I really owe you a big Sorry ya. Hopefully you've learnt and grow thru the trip too. Not just about the kids but also about yourself.. your working styles.. and God's will for you! If ur really interested about children.. do pray and seek God for His will to be done ya? Last but not least.. I really appreciate your love for the children and the team. Thanks alot.
Wenling.. ever thot of finding out about your gifts? I personally feel that you have a gift of mercy. You are so sweet and emotional about the ups and downs of the team. You feel alot about people, don't you? Thanks for your caring acts and though you maybe blur at times but you are definitely a responsible girl. thanks for the barnabas board.. thanks for the first aid stuff. I really appreciate you lots. Continue to walk closely with Him. You've been a great encouragement to all of us!
Yup. time to sleep le lah.. its 5am now... haa.. Good nite people.. or rather Good morning. Its been a great way of unloading my cares. Yup.. Thanks you peeps for lasting to the end and reading my blog too!!
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